pain, pain, go away

NOLA Week 2 has been an entirely different experience for me. After feeling anxious and unsettled for two weeks, I’m just now finding my way in the Big Easy. This newfound comfort, however, was very well earned, coming at the expense of the loss of my appetite for ten days. When transitioning to a new environment, I have come to expect minor physical discomforts, namely nausea, insomnia, and loss of appetite (for a more comprehensive list of my symptoms, we can talk one on one). However, since landing in New Orleans, I had been plagued by some serious uneasiness in my stomach, which I was quick to attribute to the, um, satisfactory (neutral enough adjective?) dining offerings at the Xavier Dining Hall. But even after our esteemed director Joy Mischley bargained for and won us the right to less restrictive food options, I was still not feeling like myself. In fact, I felt worse everyday. My anxiety (I’m referring to it as if I have a disorder-I don’t) was getting worse by the day, and the only option, in my mind, was to ride it out. Starving, sleep-deprived, and physically exhausted, this was not going to be fun. Now’s the part where you’re expecting me to build up to a giant realization, become physically reinvigorated, restore New Orleans, and have my tale serve as an inspirational story for future DukeEngagers (or at least anyone reading the blog…maybe? just a little?) Well, that big moment never happened. I just woke up one morning and felt like I was back to my old self (booooo…terrible anticlimactic story) and only in retrospect do I recognize the source of my unease.

This place was really getting to me. I was internalized the pain and suffering of the New Orleans citizens. I am uncomfortable with the state of affairs in the city. I am upset that I can’t do more to help out. So the moral of the story: Anxiety makes people feel weird. Just kidding. Kinda. In all seriousness, looking back, I welcome the anxiety (I say that now but am really hoping it doesn’t return. I was really hungry. And I didn’t appreciate the anorexia rumors) No, really, but seriously, I like that I felt/feel uncomfortable. I’m personally compelled to do everything in my power to restore some semblance of community and life back to the city. These days, their pain is just as much my pain, and in the month or so I have left in New Orleans, I want to ease it, even if its just a little.

-Joseph lanser